Dat-Yun-chan: F.Y.I

Why can’t you just see what’s truly in your heart?

Fear, relief, hate, love... it’s all mixed in you to one big feeling which is poisoning your whole body.

A poison you can’t escape from.

It’s not like I could help you to find out of the darkness you got into a long time ago.

It’s like you’ve been captured by the claws of the dusk, lured into the shadows and you ran away from the light by yourself.

I don’t want to blame you.

I, too, ran into the darkness which consumes all of my pain.

But then I found out that the darkness itself is consuming me, eating my body and my soul with every single day I use to live.

So I myself decided to leave the darkness behind and go back to the light.

I chose to live my life like everyone else is doing.

But I know I will never be one of the normal human beings.

I will always stay as an abnormal creature, born in light and left in darkness.

A creature of the darkness.

I know no one can change what I am.

But I don’t ask for personal change.

I do have friends who stay with me, listen to me and love me like the being I am.

And I love you to do so.

It’s like an angelic touch for me to be liked.

But today shows me that the hate grows inside you.

I want you to fight against it!

I don’t know how to hate humans.

But I know a much stronger kind of hating.

I hate myself.

I hate myself because I’m not able to trust others.

I hate myself for being useless as a member of my family died in front of my eyes.

I hate myself for the inexperience that makes me fail in any situation.

I hate myself for my suspicion-filled heart that forbids me to believe in the humans.

I hate myself for the rebellious nature that prevents me from cooperating with others.

I hate myself for the jealous nature that makes me envious of everyone else.

I hate myself for believing in the stupidest things nobody else would believe.

But the most I hate myself is because I’m not a person anyone can trust. Every little thing can be destroyed through me. A stone, a paper, a cupboard, a tree... that’s nothing if someone looks at what I have broken a long time ago. I myself broke my own soul into pieces and slashed my heart. Only a little thing reminds on that what a long time ago was there. A little piece that you cannot even see with a microscope. I destroy everything around me, so I’m not a person who earns your faith.

You can leave me to die, I don’t care.

It’s not like anyone would cry even one only tear when I’m gone, right?

So... why don’t I just go out of this life and go over to never ending sleep?

Then the search for the reason I live is over.

And then I can finally rest...