Dabi sat in the darkness of the closet. He hugged himself deeper into the blanket. His mind was running wild. It was shortly after Hawks had left the house that it started. He knew, that he was completely alone now, Hawks wasn’t in the house … What if Shigaraki and the rest came here?
No! No, they wouldn’t find him, not here in the safety of his new nest! Hawks’ address wasn’t public knowledge, so there was no way that he would find him!
But still, his mind couldn’t rest. This was all so new to him, he didn’t need to sleep with one eye open. He could relax! No one was here to harm him! But what if they came, when he closed his eyes?
What if he found him, here in this small closet? He wouldn’t have the space to dodge him! His skin was crawling with the memory of his hands on his body. How they touched him everywhere. A once careful touch turned violent.
Dabi felt the bile rising up in him and he quickly opened the door and sprinted over to the bathroom. He retched and made it to the toilet in time before he started to vomit. It took a while before he calmed down. He sat down next to the toilet, his body was shaking. Blood was leaking out of the patches from under his eyes.
He tried to control his breathing, but it wasn’t easy. He tried to stop thinking about him. Why was it coming up all of a sudden? He thought he was done with thinking about that … He was over it, he told himself over and over and over again. What’s done is done. Thinking about it, wouldn’t change anything! But … why couldn’t he stop?
Dabi pulled his legs up to his body, as good as he could, and wrapped his arms around them. Why was his body still shaking, every time the memory of that night came up? Why was it coming up anyways? He was done with it!
It was his own weakness that had caused this incident in the first place. He was weak, that’s why he couldn’t stop him. How could he? Shigaraki was a prime alpha after all. He wasn’t meant to stop him. He gritted his teeth, he just had to accept it. He was just a weak little omega …
Omegas were supposed to obey their alphas, to make them happy. It didn’t matter how they felt, they weren’t important … he shook his head violently. No! Those were just the toxic words of that woman!
But it must be true, ever since she came, he had changed. His views on omegas had changed. “Stop it” Dabi murmured. He didn’t want to think of him. He felt how his body got colder, it happened frequently, when ever the thoughts of that night came back to his mind. Dabi’s breathing got heavier and his hands wandered in his black hair.
Dabi pushed himself up to his feet and he turned on the shower, he undressed as quickly as he could and then he walked in the hot water stream. Still, his body was violently shaking from the cold. He leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground again. He made himself small again, it didn’t help against the shaking though.
His neck was itching around the bite mark. He knew that he wasn’t supposed to scratch it, he tried his best not to. He saw droplets of blood mixing with the shower water.
He had tried to hide it for so long, all the months where he was still with the league. He couldn’t let them see a thing. He wouldn’t tell them what fucking bothered him. They weren’t that close. Besides, they all listened to Shigaraki … And he didn’t want him to know.
So he did his best to act normal around them – if not even colder and crueler than before. He poured his rage and hatred in his actions and he killed a bunch of people. It was fine as long as his stomach was still flat, as long as he didn’t knew.
Dabi leaned back against the wall, stretching his legs. His hands wandered over his small bump. But then, he noticed it. He noticed the change in his body, and he was scared to death. He begged that this wasn’t true. He couldn’t be …
He bought a pregnancy test in the pharmacy and he went to his home, it was the longest two minutes of his life, but eventually the strip turned blue – positive. His already broken world crumbled even more. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t raise a pup in a world like this …
He had burned the strip to ashes, none of them could know! He had to find a way out! Did he even want the pup? It was conceived in so much pain and hatred … But what choice did he have? He couldn’t see a doctor! He was an A-Rank villain!
His hands wandered over his stomach, the hot water was still running over him. After that incident he had already started to distance himself from the league and especially from Shigaraki, but the prime was persistent. They were mates after all, he didn’t think anything of it. So Dabi was forced to share the bed with him from time to time.
He grabbed strands of his hair and shook his head. He wanted it to stop! He didn’t want to think about all of that! Clumsily he got up to his feet and he turned the water off. Carefully he left the shower, looked in the way to big mirror – for his taste – and he saw the bump he still didn’t know exactly, how to feel about it.
Dabi didn’t want to kill the child, not even he could be so cruel, but could he ever love it? It was his child too. He clenched his jaw and gripped one of the towels. Carefully he rubbed over his body and dried himself off. He slipped back into his cloths and made his way out of the bathroom. He walked into the kitchen and looked for something to eat. He wasn’t really hungry, but he knew that he had to eat something.
His hands were still rubbing over his belly. His limbs were aching a little bit, he really hated it. He made himself some cornflakes and moved to the living room. He turned on the TV. He zapped through the channels but there wasn’t anything interesting at all.
When he was done eating, he placed the bowl on the couch table. He then leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes, hands constantly rubbing over his belly.
He bit on his lower lip as he tried to keep the memories away. No, he didn’t want to think about all of that any longer! He was free now! Well … except for the bond mark. He would never be truly free, he knew that. He already regretted it. Shigaraki hadn’t forced him to mate him, but they knew each other for not even two months. Just because they fucking heat shared one time … They were both drunk at that time, drunk and horny, but now he had to live with the consequences.
It was his fault from the beginning … if he hadn’t shared his heat with Shigaraki, maybe nothing of this would have happened. But he never had seen a prime alpha before. He was curious.
In his youth he had a lot – really a lot – of different alphas. He never really had a problem with rough sex, but still, now the thought of that night haunted him.
He turned the television off, some news reports about Endeavor, he didn’t need to see that. He sat on the couch for a while. But it was dangerous, with nothing to do, his thoughts could wander. He didn’t want that. He wasn’t used to doing nothing at all.
