Keep him

It wasn't the first time I saw him outside of the field.
 

The first time had been outside of a club. He had been obviously drunk and leaning against the wall of the club I had just left. He had made it clear that he wasn't out to hurt me. Quite the opposite. He had surprised me with a request.

„Drive me home?“

An incredulous laugh had escaped me but I had obliged him. He had made it to my car almost on his own but had tripped on the last 20 meters and I had to catch him for he would have landed face down. The skin on his arms had felt hot to the touch. I had caught a whif of his cologne, a dark, fresh scent. Not bad. Not repulsing.

He had given me brisk instructions while we drove. I had expected a fancy appartment, high in the skies of Tokyo city. But at last, I had found myself parking in front of a single house in the outskirts of Tokyo and a distinctly pissed-looking Crawford had been holding the front door open. What had thrown me the most, though, was that Crawford hadn't been wearing shoes. I remember myself gaping at his socketed feet even while assisting Schuldig out of the car as well as I had been able to from the drivers seat.

Crawford wearing no shoes? How could that happen?

/Fußbodenheizung./ Schuldig had sent at me and I had finally drawn my eyes to him. He had smirked or at least tried to while hanging onto my car.

„Thanks for the ride.“ he had said aloud and had turned around without waiting for an answer from me. Somehow he had made it to the door and stumbled past the Oracle. I had leaned over to close the passenger door and my eyes had met Crawford's. Finally, he had given me a curt nod and had vanished inside.
 

The second time Schuldig and I crossed paths was -oh wonder- at my favourite club. This time inside. I had just got the barman's attention to order my usual drink when the Mastermind suddenly had turned up at my side.

„Just a coke for him,“ he had smirked at the guy, „he's the one driving tonight.“

Both of them had chuckled then and Schuldig had turned to me with one eyebrow raised in challenge.

„Says who?“ I had inquired without real venom behind it. I was too curious, I knew that. He had answered with a lazy smile.

„You would let me behind the wheel of your Seven?!“

My mental hiccup at that had been enough answer for him and he had laughed.

My coke and his beer had appeared at my side and with drinks in hand we had made our way to the dancefloor.

This club... I had always been my favourite because the people that came here weren't here for the only purpose of finding someone to spend the night with. They came here to enjoy themselves, to dance, to drink, to flirt and everything else could be figured out later. It did not matter if you were a guy or a girl. Everybody was dancing with everybody, they were here to enjoy the music.

I always chose this place to go to when I was not looking for company. My teammates always tease me that I have a different girl every night but that's only partially true. There were nights like this one had been when I just wanted to be alone in a crowd. To feel the bodies lining up against me, moving to the same rhythm but all the while knowing there won't be any false hopes. Noone expects anything unless it is especially offered. Nights, when I am able to just be myself and not Youji, the womanizer.

Schuldig knows how to dance. As I subconciously suspected we would, we had ended up dancing together. We had flowed to the same melody, our hearts directing the beat. I hadn't expected that. I had thought we would dance to completly different tunes like we do on our jobs, but there in this club we had been the same.

We had not touched except for the occassional brush of limbs and shoulders which had been inevitable in a crowd like that. I hadn't been able to believe that I was really in the same club as Schwarz's Mastermind and we were not killing but dancing.

We had actually been having fun.

I had indeed ended up driving Schuldig home that evening. And this time I had gotten the flashy appartment I had been expecting last time.

„Do you want to take a look?“ he had commented in response to my thoughts. I still don't know why but I had declined. I am deadly curious about how they live but I passed up the chance. Probably suspecting that Schuldig wasn't being serious.

He had only smirked.

„Thanks for the ride. And the dance.“

I had just nodded and he had closed the car door and left. I had waited until he was safely inside the building and then had smacked my forehead for he was not some girl I had picked up.

His chuckling had kept ringing in my mind all the way home.
 

***
 

And now, he is standing there at the front door of the flower shop. It had been a slow afternoon shift so Omi had taken Ken and Aya to go shopping for supplies. They probably would eat out, too. They had offered to get me something but I wasn't in the mood for company. I was to close and clean the shop and then have my two days off. Ken and Aya have the shift on Saturday.

„Hi!“ I greet him, for I have nothing better to say.

„Hey.“ comes his drawled response.

I move past him to close and lock the door an then pull the shutters down. Schuldig watches me doing my chores and then turns to study the flowers. He offers no explanation for his coming here but I am sure it means that my teammates will be gone for a while longer.

„I'm done.“ I finally say and turn to leave the shop in favor of my own appartment.The padding of another pair of shoes tells me he is following.

I grab two cans of beer from my small frigde and offer one to Schuldig. We drink in silence while I finally let my eyes rest upon him and study his appearance. He feigns not to notice and checks out my appartment instead.

He is wearing casual clothes, jeans and a black form fitting tee. His bandana is missing but the pink sunglasses are perched upon his head. He is close enough that I am able to smell his cologne. It is the the same as the first time. And as the second time, I recall now. It didn't occur to me that night we were dancing but now I remember the way Schuldig had smelled back then.

'Hnn.'

„Are you done staring at me?“ Schuldig inquires.

I smirk at him and shrug. „Why are you here?“ I ask instead.

Schuldig places his beer on my nightstand and comes to stand right in front of me.

„Third time is a charm.“ he says quietly and then leans in to kiss me.

I am almost too surprised to pull away. But it's also the feeling of warm lips on mine, the faint scent of a cologne that is distinctly male and the knowledge that he isn't going to kill me tonight that keeps me in place.

It feels nice...

Schulig pulls back and we gaze at each other. This is not what I expected but somehow it's okay. There is one thing I want to know, though.

„Why me?“

„Your mind is quiet.“ Schuldig answers after a while. „You don't tend to brood so much. It gives my gift some rest.“

I quirk an eyebrow at him for I don't really believe what he says.

As he leans towards me again I decide to let it rest for now, though. His lips are warm, he has a nice butt and the scent of him hunted me for the past several weeks...
 

The first sound I register as I wake up is the sound of a brush combing through long hair.

Slowly I open my eyes and am presented with the sight of Schuldig in just his jeans with his back turned to me, holding my brush in his hand. I'm sure he notices my waking but doesn't acknowledge it and continues what he's doing. I remind myself to hide the brush from my teammates. I don't want questions about those long orange locks in it...

My clock on the beside table tells me it's almost noon. My stomach grumbles at the sight, I'm hungry. I push myself up into a sitting position and Schuldig finally turns around, putting my brush aside.

„Would you like breakfast?“ I ask him.

He snorts, then shakes his head. „I'm not the breakfast-type.“ When he does not move I get up and put on my own pants.

„Lunch then?“ I ask as I pass him on my way to make some coffee.

He hesitates. I can feel it without even looking at him.

„Coffee.“ he gives me in the end.

He is fully dressed when he enters the kitchen and I hand him his mug. I rummage around for some fruit and decide on an apple. When we're both finished Schuldig turns and heads for the door.

„I should go.“ he says while putting on his shoes.

I lean against the kitchen doorframe watching him.

„Just make sure the others don't see you.“ I tell him. „I didn't plan on dying any time soon.“

He straightens and smirks. He grabs his keys and sunglasses he's left on the dresser next to the door and with a nod, he's gone.
 

He's back four days later. I closed shop with Omi and then our youngest has run up the stairs to his room, leaving the cleaning up for me to do. There was a show on TV he didn't want to miss.

Schuldig is standing at the base of the stairs, leaning against the handrail. It stops me in my tracks. I hadn't really expected to see him again. He gives me a measuring look that I return.

„Let's go upstairs.“ he says at last and moves to proceed me. I follow him and make a mental note to stop him ordering me around. He chuckles and steps aside to let me open the door. His hands are on my waist as soon as I close and lock the door, as are his lips on mine when I turn around to face him again. I'm not suprised this time so I'm bold enough to catch his lower lip between my teeth.

When he pulls back we're both panting.

„I guess fourth time is lucky, too.“ he murmurs against my lips and a grin spreads on my face.

„Then let's use this time to make it worth our while...“ I answer and push him in the direction of my bed.
 

He is gone for three weeks after that. I thought it was over _now_ but then he finds me in a club. Not my favourite one, but a club where one is looking for sex rather than entertainment. I am at the bar, my 3rd drink in hand when he sits down next to me.

„I'm not driving tonight, I left the Seven at the Koneko.“ I tell him.

He smirks at me. „I know. I brought my own car tonight.“

I had not taken the Seven for I had planned on getting seriously drunk tonight. I didn't feel like thinking about the why ...

Schuldig distracts me from my thoughts.

„Let's get to the dancefloor.“

I down the rest of my drink and follow him.

This time we are touching. We are practically wearing each other. The floor is packed. It is hot with so many people dancing but we don't care.

My drinks had been laced with alcohol pretty much but I am not so drunk as to not know what I am doing. This time I am the one to lean in to Schuldig and ravage his mouth. His hands on my hips do not push me away but lock me in place.

Schuldig is heat and lust and danger. We had not seen anyone of Schwarz on the field these past six months but we knew they survived the fall of the Tower. They did not oppose us anymore so that Kritiker told us the killing order was taken back. We had been wary of it at first but now we don't really think about it anymore.

I haven't asked Schuldig yet as to what they were doing now but I don't think he would tell me anyway.

We have found more important things to do...

It turns me on, dancing and kissing like this. I know what's beneath Schuldigs black shirt and jeans. I know what would await me were we to find a place alone. I let my mind drift and it rewards me with images of our last two nights together. Schuldig's listening for he moans into the kiss and pulls back. His eyes are pure fire.

/We're getting out of here./

We almost have to fight our way off the dancefloor. When we're out of the crowd the going is easier. I stumble and have to use Schuldig's shoulder to keep my balance.

We're out of the club two minutes later and are heading for Schuldig's car. As we get seated I feel brave and ask him: „Do I finally get to see that flashy appartment of yours?“ It was half meant as a joke but he considers it. He does not answer but the direction he takes is not the one to the Koneko.

The looks he sends me in the elevator go straight to my groin. I don't really get to see anything inside the appartment because we're already bruising each others lips and tearing at clothes. Our shoes are lost somewhere in the hall and at one point Schuldig opens a door and pushes me inside. He leaves the light off and has no problems in finding the bed.
 

When I wake the next morning I am alone in the room. I strech out my hand to the spot where Schuldig slept. It's warm, he hasn't been gone long.

I let my eyes wander about the room. It is quite like any other room. A nice bed, desk, build-in wardrobe, a small couch, TV-station, Hi-Fi with a decent stack of CDs next to it. The curtains are only half drawn so it was probably the light that woke me. I close my eyes again but before I can drift off to sleep again the door opens and Schuldig steps in. His hair is wet and he has a towel slung around his waist. He smirks at me, then ignores me while he picks out an outfit for the day.

„If you want a shower it's the first door to the left.“ he mentions casually and throws a towel on the foot of the bed.

I stretch lazily and get up. I grab the offered towel, put it around my waist and leave the room. I find myself in a long hallway from which several doors open up to other rooms. Most of them are closed, though. I take the one Schuldig indicated and step under the hot spray.

„Let's get some coffee.“ Schuldig says when I am done and dressed. We step into the hallway and I freeze. There are voices. A high, almost chirping sound and a deep baritone.

I had not thought about Schuldig not living alone.

He throws me a look over his shoulder, an amused smirk playing on his lips.

„They won't bite you.“ he tells me.

I still don't move.

„They know you're here, though. To skittish to look them in the eyes?“ he taunts.

Great. Now he's got me ruffled. I square my shoulders and follow him.

Naoe and Crawford are sitting at the kitchen table. Both have papers and a cup of coffee before them. They look up as we enter. Their looks are neither friendly nor hostile. They're quite indifferent. I'm just one of Schuldig's adventures he brought home. He throws me a look at the thought that I can't decipher.

The two at the table continue what they were doing and Schuldig gets us two cups of hot, dark liquid. We stand at the counter quietly sipping our drinks.

I feel awkward. I don't belong here.

Absently I wonder where Farfarello is.

/Belgium./ Schuldig offers. /For a job./ he elaborates.

\You're still in the business?\ I send at him.

/Kind of./ is his vague response and he smirks at me. I'm getting used to it.

„I should go.“ I say aloud and put my cup down on the counter. Naoe glances up, looking from me to Schuldig.

Schuldig follows me to the door and waits til I have put my shoes on. I open the door, then turn around to face him once more.

„Why me?“ I ask him again.

There's a pause.

„You are good in bed.“ And with that he pushes gently at my chest and closes the door right in my face.
 

***
 

We just came home from a mission. We're sitting downstairs in the mission room, trying to get cleaned up. Aya had been hurt a little and Omi is dressing the wound. Ken is cleaning his bugnuks. We're tired. I am sitting on the couch, smoking.

It comes out of the blue.

The sentence leaves my mouth before I can register and stop it.

„I'm screwing Schuldig.“

Ken loses hold of the bugnuk he had held in his hands and it tumbles to the ground. Omi stops dead and is just gaping at me.

Aya actually snickers. He _snickers_... What the hell?

„Come again?“ Ken speaks up.

Schuldig heard me mentioning his name in my mind and his roaring laughter is ringing through my head. \Not helping...\ But he doesn't stop.

„I said, I'm screwing Schuldig.“ I answer Ken instead.

The younger two now realize that I really mean what I just said and are speachless.

Aya just shrugs.

„For how long?“ he wants to know.

„Four and a half months.“

„I noticed _something_ was off...“ Aya says. „You changed your routine.“

He has the appartment next to mine, therefore he has noticed the girls. Until Schuldig. I have stopped picking up randoms. Schuldig somehow is enough. I'm not sure if he feels the same but I don't care.

„Schuldig?“ Omi's hoarse whisper draws me out of my musings.

I nod for I have nothing else to say. I like the sex and when he's not Mastermind he is actually fun to be with. He shares my love for music.

Ken is still staring at me, mouth hanging open.

„He is not SZ's Mastermind anymore.“ I say.

„But _why_?!“ Omi asks, desperate.

I inhale slowly, then stub out my cigarette in the ashtray on the small table beside me. I look at Omi, his eyes are almost panicked.

„He knows how to dance.“ I answer at last and leave the room.

I know this won't be the end of it. My teammates will pester me endlessly about it (or possibly worse). But it's the only answer I can give them right now.

/Come over./ Schuldig speaks up as if nothing has happened. /Crawford felt very generous and ordered pizza. I'm willing to share.../

When I hesitate he adds: /Aya will walk them through your revelation for tonight./

It's enough to get me moving.
 

The following weeks are difficult. Ken is still in shock it seems, he doesn't speak to me at all, just looks at me, wondering.

Omi is hurt. He feels betrayed. He has not forgotten Ouka or anything else that has happened. He has asked me to tell him the whole story and I obliged. He will need some time to understand. The first thing he did was doing research on Schwarz's work. They are indeed still working in the underground but hardly cross our paths. Kritiker tells us to watch out. But that is all. They have more important things to do than worrying about something that has not happened.

Aya is the only one who treats me like always. He never says much but shifts with him are the easiest.

„Do you love him?“ he has asked me once.

„Love was never a point of discussion.“ I answered him. He had nodded and never asked anything else.

Almost every minute I am not on shift I spend with Schuldig. We wander the city, visit our favourite clubs or laze away in bed. He mostly comes to my appartment but I get to see a lot of Schwarz' appartment, too. Sometimes Crawford and the Japanese kid are there, Farfarello I see only twice. It is surreal. Schuldig tells me he is away a lot or spends time at their house in the outskirts.

Schwarz is... a surprise. We always saw them as demons and I am quite sure they have something demonic in them but they are also normal people. As normal as psychics can be, I suppose. I get along with Crawford and Naoe, although I don't know if they just put up with me for Schuldig's sake. Farfarello never spoke a word with me but that's okay since all my limbs are still attached.

Since SZ's fall Schwarz seemingly has closed the chapter called Schwarz vs. Weiß. They moved on. Maybe Weiß should, too.

Omi asked me one time if I could forgive all that Schwarz had done. No, I could not. Not yet anyway. But for now, I did not need to forgive. It did not matter. And I was tired of thinking about it.

Then one evening, Ken is waiting for me in front of my door. I am just about to leave, Schu and Nagi are waiting for me three blocks down with tickets to the movies. Ken looks different. The wondering sheen to his eyes is gone, he looks normal, almost.

„You're meeting Schuldig again?“ he asks me.

I nod, close my door behind me and lock it. „We're going to the movies.“ I'm not sure why I add that. An almost sad smile crosses Ken's lips. Then he lowers his head.

When he looks at me again his eyes are calm.

„Just don't forget that we are your friends, too.“

I do the thing I should and hug him.

„I won't Kenken. Don't ever doubt that.“

And with a clap on his shoulder I'm down the stairs. Ken watches me from the balcony until my Seven is around the corner.
 

***

„Stay.“

It is a soft demand and it stops me in my tracks.

It's Saturday and almost noon. I just heard Crawford in the hallway, ordering take-out for lunch.

I have never stayed for longer than one night. I sit on the edge of Schuldig's bed just about to put my pants back on. I turn around to look my lover in the face. His eyes are calm and he meant what he said. He stretches out his hand and hooks a finger under the hem of my shorts. He gives a soft tuck.

„Stay.“

I turn to sit cross-legged before him.

„Why do you want me to stay?“

He shrugs.

„Just stay.“ he repeats.

I grin.

„Okay.“ I say, leaning forward to kiss him. „Third time really is a charm.“ I mumble against his lips.

He laughs.

„Crawford will have ordered enough for five...“
 

It's a lazy weekend. Schwarz needs time to relax, too. I even win against Farfarelle at chess. When he tries to throw a knife at me for it Nagi neatly intercepts without even looking up from his book. Farf knew it would never reach me and he smirks and wanders off.

Schuldig is mostly lounging about and watching me. Crawford is doing paperwork. It's rare that he truly let's go.

Schuldig wants to go clubbing. I don't mind but I don't have an outfit with me so we stop by the Koneko on our way.

Schu decides on the club. I've never been to it before but it's nice. Decently crowed but not packed.

We dance, we kiss, we share several drinks. We stumble home at four in the morning and there is a disgruntled looking Nagi in the doorway to his room for we woke him with our staggering and snickering entrance. But he doesn't say anything, just sighs and retreats back into his room.

They let us sleep in. The clock on Schuldig's nightstand declares it to be 14:15. I groan for I know my sleeping schedule will be messed up for at least a week. Schu stirrs and I give him a small smile when he slowly opens his eyes. The corners of his mouth twitch. It feels really peaceful waking up like that. It's just the two of us and the rest can be forgotten.

We spend the night wandering the city, discussing anything of importance and poking fun at each other. We end up at my place for I have early shift next morning and it's conveniently just around the corner when we decide to turn in for the night. We grab a small snack from my fridge and spend the next hour enjoying each others company in bed.
 

Somehow I must have forgotten to set my alarm for the next morning Omi pounds at my door. I wake at the first sound and my watch tells me it's 10:30. I was supposed to be in the shop half an hour ago.

„Youji, wake up!“ Omi calls and pounds again.

Before I can think of an answer he tries the know and finds the door unlocked. He opens the door, mouth open to call another cheery greeting but he sees Schuldig first and stops dead. Schuldig's face is turned away from the door but his back is uncovered and his orange locks spill out freely on his pillow and back. I'm not sure if he's really still asleep but his breathing is calm and deep.

I sit up, grab my bathrobe by the foot of the bed and start towards Omi, ushering him outside.

He looks at me with wide eyes. Then he swallows and looks away. But he's not running. That's good, I think.

I wish I had brought a cigarette but I know that Omi would not appreciate it.

„Why did you bring him here?“ he asks at last.

„Because I like my appartment and I was supposed to be on shift this morning. I'm sorry I overslept, I must have forgotten to set my alarm.“

Omi nods but still refuses to look at my face.

„I don't think it wise to bring him to the Koneko.“

„He has been here before, Omi, and nothing has happened. He has no interest in hurting anyone of us.“

Now Omi stares at me. He doesn't understand the _why but he also does not want to lose me as a friend. Another thing he is sure of is that nothing would hold my interest for so long if it wasn't serious. And for the first time he really _looks at me. He studies my face, probably looking for any physical signs of Schuldig hurting me.

/He won't find any./ Schu offers sleepily.

I can't stop myself and a small smile crosses my lips.

\As long as he refrains himself from looking further down, he won't.\ I smirk back. \Your hands were pretty possesive last night...\

I have bruises on my hips from his fingers.

I get a mental grin and turn my attention back to Omi. He must have seen something on my face for his shoulders have relaxed.

„Is he awake?“ he asks.

I just nod.

„I'll ask Ken to cover your shift for you. You can have the afternoon with Aya.“

„Okay. Thanks Omittchi!“

„Just... be careful, okay?“

I nod again and with a small smile he leaves.

I know then that we'll be fine. My teammates will get used to my lover. We'll find a way to make it allright.

I smile, an honest smile and turn around to join Schuldig in bed.
 

***
 

We had seen Weiß a couple of times before but I really _noticed_ Kudou not before the fourth or fifth 'meet&greet'. By then we were already knee-deep in this Weiß vs. Schwarz dilemma SZ expected us to continue with. Crawford always thought it to be a waste of time but he accepted it as a nuisance he could not get rid off yet and expected us to do the same. So we played our part. By the time the Tower fell I had almost forgotten I ever found him attractive.

And then, one night, he found me at that club. I had been drinking quite a lot and was wondering how I was supposed to get home. Suddenly he was standing there and looking me up and down.

I don't know why he followed my request and drove he home. He himself doesn't know either. Crawford had been pissed at me for we had a mission the next morning.

Nevertheless it renewed my interest in Kudou and I started to actively seek him out. He was surprised but not opposed. And I did not expect him to hold my interest for so long. I had been lusting for him for a long time and the sex was great. But it should not have been enough to bring me back to him. He was interesting to be with. And his mind was indeed relatively quiet. He had accepted his role in life, accepted the necessity of it.

We share our love for music. When dancing our bodies respond to each other like two pieces of a puzzle that fit.

Waking up beside him was something I learned to like.
 

Then he told his teammates. He could not have chosen a worse moment but it was so hilarious that I could not stop laughing.

But the weeks following his outing were not easy on him. His mind got pretty loud. And we spent a lot of time together. I got used to it, got used to always having him around. My teammates accepted him at my side. Crawford probably saw something. Nagi was glad that I stopped drinking so much. And Farf... He was just okay with it.

I reached a point where I didn't want Kudou to go. So I asked him to stay. And he did, surprising the both of us. We don't know what this will do to our relationship (if you can call it one). I think we fell without realizing it. That's what made it so hard for Kudou to have his friends against him. Except for Ran. His reaction puzzled me but it gave Kudou some breathing room. Ken will accept it in time, I can hear it in his thoughts.

And Omi... Omi just saw me half naked sleeping besides Youtan. Both of them did a mental stumble, it was almost funny.

Of course I woke when Omi pounded on the door. Crawford would kill me if I slept through such a noise. But I know they have to make this out on their own. I only speak up once.

A few moments later, the door opens again. Youji stands in the doorway and looks at me.

Then he smiles...

And I know for sure I can keep him...
 

***
 

Three years later...

I'm about to meet Schuldig in the middle of Tokyo, at just about the busiest place ever. He told me we would not miss each other for his hair stood out everywhere and me not being the average Japanese height. As if I don't stand out already with that blond hair of mine. He told me, he had a surprise for me.

I don't always like his surprises but I'm always willing to try.
 

I just left a meeting with our new klient that I attended with Crawford and Manx. Kritiker works with Schwarz now and then. It's more effective.

The other two continued on with the klient to the 'expected' drinking that was shared after a succsessful meeting. I was supposed to accompany them but Schu called and Crawford let me go with a smirk.
 

I arrive at the plaza a few minutes before my lover and I just stand and wait. I know he'll find me eventually.

The crowd buzzes all over the place. Most of them look like they just finished work and as always millions of people are present. They scurry around me, body contact is not wished for. I feel like a pole in the middle of a lively river.
 

Then Schuldig appears. I know immediatly that something has happened. He wears a black suit, his hair falls losely down his back and is freed from his sunglasses and bandana. Even though it is almost dark he seems to glow... He smiles a lazy smile that suggests a lot of tantalizing things. I almost expect him to pull out a red rose and put it between his teeth.

Schuldig laughs. He stops right in my personal space. Not that that is of any concern to someone like him. He has no concept of personal space besides his own.

„What's up?“ I ask him in a low tone. I know he'll hear me despite the noise around us. I also know that people are already staring. No customers, I hope.

He doesn't answer. He puts a hand behind my head instead and pulls me in for a kiss.

It feels different. I can't put my finger on it but his lips move different than usual. It's hypnotizing.

When our mouths part again, I'm dazed.

„Was that your surprise?“ I ask.

He winks at me. „No.“

Then he smiles. An honest, almost open expression.

„I have found an appartment.“ he tells me. „For the both of us.“ he elaborates.
 

An appartment...

It's a proposition. It's a hand stretched out to me, offering me his life. He's willing to try. Am I?
 

I see it in Schuldig's eyes that we both know what this is implying. Are we ready yet?
 

And I sense that behind my lovers careless mask and his joy of surprising me lies a deep uncertanty. He's not sure himself. He doesn't know if this will work of if this will be the biggest mistake we'll ever get ourselves into.
 

Although we now have been seeing each other for three years both of us tried to treat this relationship as something for short term. Something we could both walk away from easily. It did not matter that neither one of us had had any other partners since we started dating. And it does not matter that we almost never spend a night on our own anymore. It's either me coming to Schwarz' appartment or he staying with me at the Koneko.
 

It had been meant to be something for fun, to pass time.

It went wrong somewhere.

Was I willing to risk it? My friends got used to having Schuldig aorund. Even Nagi is a regular at the Koneko. But will they be okay with my moving out, too?

Can I even risk to say no?
 

We both know -theoretically- that we have fallen these three years ago. But we wouldn't admit it. We were possessive, we were jealous. Both of us made it clear that we did not tolerate anyone in between. If we spent a night apart we felt cold.

But we danced around the truth. Love for someone like us? My lover would have never admitted to such a weakness. And I would say I lost my ability to love long ago.

We had talked about an appartment but had left unsaid what it would mean to our relationship. Now he offered himself on a plate. And I'm going to take him with everything he has to give. My life has never been perfect but now it has a purpose.

Funny thing to find it with Schuldig...
 

Schuldig is not listening in. But he reacts as soon as he sees the resolve in my eyes. His entire body relaxes.

„Okay, let's try it.“ I whisper in his ear. I feel his smirk because of his lips at my earlobe.

„We're not going to try this.“ he says. „We're going to _do_ this...“

And then we ignore the millions around us and kiss.

This is going to work. We will make it work. Because we have each other.