Collection of thoughts von PrinzessinMedusa ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: lost in your eyes ---------------------------- Hallo alle zusammen! Hier ist mal wieder was Neues von mir. Es ist Englisch, weil ich nach gut 8 Monaten ohne Deutsch echte Probleme mit Deutscher Grammatik habe (von Rechtschreibung ganz zu schweigen). Es ist auch keine wirkliche Geschichte, dafuer habe ich nicht genug Zeit. Nue ein paar Gedanken/Gefuehle...aufgeschrieben und mit euch geteilt. ^^ Ich hoffe ihr habt Spass beim Lesen! Ueber konstruktieve Kritik und sonstige Kommentare wuerde ich mich sehr freuen ^^ Danke schon mal jetzt! so far SilverFish ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lost in your eyes As I step out of the class room I'm swept away by the crowd like a stick thrown in a raging river. It is loud in the hallway. Everybody is talking, but nobody's listening. The river leads me around the corner. I look down the hallway and see you standing on the other side. You turn around and our eyes meet. I'm no longer able to hear the busy noises around me. Once again I drown in your eyes. It is quiet around me nothing moves. I shiver under your look no longer sure of what is true and what imagination. My knees are weak, my mouth gets dry. I sink deeper and deeper, unable and unwilling to find my way back. I loose myself in your eyes. They are like a magical mirror I see memories and dreams in them but no reflection of what you feel. And still I feel save as long as you watch me. And before you turn around I see your lips forming a smile that takes my breath away and leaves me once again confused and lost. I realize that I stopped walking. People push me out of their way. It takes me a while to put myself back together, and remember where I am. I look to where you were just a second ago, but you are gone. And all that reminds of your smile is my confusion. I continue my way in the busy stream. I can't see a single face nor can I understand a single word. With every new smile you steal away another piece of me...and you don't even know it. Kapitel 2: Worlds behind your voice ----------------------------------- Hallihallo, auf geht's mit dem zweiten Teil! Hoffe es gefaellt! ^^ Freu mich ueber Kommis und alles ^^ so far SilverFish ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Worlds behind your voice Today I started thinking again, (about thins that should have left my mind a long time ago) because people told me things, because they thought that the things had left me. But well, they didn't. You know, you should probably know all this stuff, but I'll probably never tell you. And maybe you shouldn't know it at all. One can never know, until one tries. There is this something about you, I don't know what it is, it's just something...in you voice. You know, I didn't even notice you until you talked to me for the first time. It was your voice and that strangeness that separates you from the crowd. I remember when you read the story from our English book to me. I closed my eyes. I could have listened forever. There are worlds behind your voice tat I want to explore. I hear your voice in my head telling me stories about stars dancing around the moon. I don't even have to look at you or touch you, all I want to do is listen, I'm sure you have enough stories to tell. I'll just it still and listen, listen. And I'll remember every word you say, keeping your voice in my heart, and listen to a happy story when I lay awake at night, I my room, where the silence echos from the walls. The time will come, when I'll tell you all this. And maybe you'll listen, and you know what? We could just talk. Kapitel 3: unexplained ---------------------- Good Morning Sunshine, willkommen zu Teil drei! Hab eigentlich nix zu sagen... ^^" von daher... so far SilverFish ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ No title Sometimes things happen, that we can't explain. Sometimes there are things inside of us, and we don't know where they come from. One morning you wake up, and that feeling is there. A strange longing accompanied by a feeling of guilt, like a white sheet of paper just after you spilled black ink on it. When I woke up this morning, I felt like that, because you where on my mind again, and with your deep eyes and calm voice comes the desire to feel your hands. Just once, just for a moment, the blink of an eye. I wonder what they feel like. Are they soft or rough? Cold or warm? Is their touch strong? Are they caring? I feel guilty because I imagine the touch of your hands on my cheeks. With closed eyes I concentrate on the warmth streaming from your hand to my face. I smile, nothing else matters now. I imagine your hand around mine. Fitting together perfectly. Your hand holding mine with love and support, leading me to places I've never been to. But the weight of guilt is heavy on my heart. Always knowing that it will never be I still feed myself with foolish hopes and illusions. I wish I could just let go of you, erase the memories of you, and pretend we never met. Too bad life's not that easy... What do you think? Would you like the thought of forgetting me? Would you even care? I guess not, since there's nothing special about me, at least nothing you know of. But there are always things that we don't know or cannot explain. That's life. Kapitel 4: Immortal ------------------- hi alle miteinander, hier ist der naechste teil. ich weiss, is echt kurz...sorry ^^" so far SilverFish ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sometimes I feel like nothing in this world could ever hurt me. Wind is pulling on my hair, making it dance. I look right into your eyes as we talk. I dive into their bottomless green, take it in with every detail. I breath in the cold air, the wind. It smells like sky, endless blue, with a little bit of your hair gel and my body lotion. I feel so fee, so alive. In this moment we are immortal. We could jump of a bridge, sleep on the highway, and drink each other's poison like it is wine. Nothing could ever hurt us. And when I walk away from you I hold my had up high, and so do you. We know we'll come back to drink from each other's thoughts. Until then I take in the wind, let it blow my heart up like a balloon, sitting up on the fence watching the wind chase the clouds across the sky, and the sun lighting up the horizon in bright red. Ever so new, ever so alive. Kapitel 5: sleep won`t come --------------------------- Hallo ihr Lieben, hier ist mal wieder was Neues von mir, ist sehr kurz, sorry dafür ^^" But there`s more to come soon ^.^ Viel Spaß beim Lesen und Danke für Euer Interesse! ^.^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sleep won`t come I lay in the dark. Thoughts racing through my head. I turn the music up to quiet them. I´m so tired, but sleep won`t come. Unvoluntaryly I keep thinking about expectations, regrets, longings and fears. I wish the shouting voices in my head would go away. I turn the music up again. It doesn`t work. I curl up under my covers, and feel so small. Small enough for people to forget me. My eyes are so heavy. Sleep won`t come. Once again you`re keeping me awake. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ hope you liked it ^.~ über Kommis freue ich mich natürlich sehr! :) so far SilverFish Kapitel 6: Last words to a Dream -------------------------------- Hallo ihr Lieben, und noch was Neues ^.^ ich bin mal wieder motiviert ^_____^ Danke für euer Interesse und viel Spaß beim Lesen! ^.^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last words to dream You and I standing on a hallway-island again. I can´t see the people passing us. Just your face, clear shaped, and calm. Your lips slowly moving. I can´t hear the tired and annoyed voices echoing from the tall walls, just your words, so thick and sweet. Pouring out of your mouth, dropping into my ears, slowly sinking into my brain, like honey. It makes me sick. I can`t believe what you say, my thoughts are racing. Word by word you crush my dreams and hopes, my world. I want to throw up, when I hear what you say. It`s tearing my heart apart, and I just stand infront of you, staring at your fache in disbelief. I just stand there, and let you do this to me, not able to protect myself, defencless under your look. I break into tears inside, still standing without any expression. I can`t hear, I don`t want to hear. I feel so small and helpless. I want you to see me cry, I want you to know what you did to me. But I just stand there, pretending to be so strong, we both laugh...nervously. You leave, thinking everything`s just fine. And then they come, the tears, chains slowly choking me. Yes, I am hurt. But I`ll get over it. Like I get over everything. I`ll leave every tear behind. I`ll be everything you never saw in me. I`ll be greater than you ever thought I could be. And The next time I`ll be stronger, and tell you that you make me cry, and that I wish her to hell. I hope your dreams come true, ´cause mine betrayed me! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Danke fürs Lesen! ^.^ Über Kommis würde ich mich sehr freuen, über konstruktive Kritik natürlich auch ^.^ so far SilverFish Kapitel 7: Today ---------------- Hallo ihr Lieben, hier gibt es nochmal was Neues, ich bin mal wieder kreativ ^.^ diesmal sogar länger als der rest...glaub ich jedenfalls... Ich arbeite parallel zu diesem Gescheibsel hier an einer ziemlich großen Geschichte, die wahrscheinlich nie fertig werden wird ^^" aber gut, genug davon ^.^ Ich wünsche Euch viel Spaß beim Lesen! Über kommis und kostruktive Kritik freue ich mich immer, auch Heiratsanträge sind willkommen ^.^ so far SilverFish ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today Today I fell in love with you all over again. The funny thing is that I didn`t know I ever loved you in the first place. But I guess I did. What is really weird, too, is that I havn`t seen you for almost a year now. I haven`t talked to you for almost ten months, havn`t hear anything at all from you for way too long. From the moment I saw you, you were special to me. Your smile, your voice, everything about you. You had everything I was looking for. Although I wasn`t supposed to be looking at all. It hurt to be with somebody else, and it was even worse to see you with somebody else, it hurt. And then your head would turn, and you would look at me, with that look that said that sometimes you were looking, too, searching. A few times we both found what we were looking for in each other. For a glorious moment the world disn`t matter, we were together, and nobody seemed to be looking. But of cause they were looking, and talking. So we both went back to normal. And now? Why am I thinking about all that? Well, because I just saw somebody who looked just like you. Same smile, same voice. And all of a sudden everything came back to me. Like a big wave, overwhelming. It rushed me off my feet, and now I sit here. With you on my mind. Again. And although I`m on my own now, free, I still feel guilty for that longing for everything you are, that I hide in my thoughts, and the careful lines I put down in this book. Today then, as if it was fate, the news reached me. You are not with her anymore. There`s somebody else, somebody I don`t know. These news are like dry wood in the fire of those foolish hopes of mine. A relationship, so new, maybe not so serious, maybe a chance for me? I wish I had been there. Still, I wander, if I had stayed home, would we be as close as we are now? Would I even be free of him?I doubt that I had had the power to leave him, or the other way around. Just thoughts swirling through around in my head. I can`t wait to see you again. See your face. Hear your voice, your laugh. I long to feel that hug, that you give only me. The way you play with my hair, the way you swirl me through the air. Will it be the same when I come back? Is there going to be a place for our little games? Today I don`t know. Today changed everything. And why is that I can`t stop thinking about you? Why is you face chasing me? I guess I fell in love with you all over again, didn`t I? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vielen Dank fürs Lesen und bis bald! Kapitel 8: Homesick ------------------- Hey everybody, ich dachte mir, bevor hier alles völlig zustaubt, krame ich mal den rest raus, den ich noch nicht hochgeladen habe. diese sachen sind schon knapp ein jahr alt, aber was solls ^-^ das hier sind drei dings, die alle ziemlich das gleiche thema haben und da sie sehr kurz sind, hab ich sie zusammen getan ^-^ viel spaß beim lesen und danke für euer interesse. ^-^ so long fishly ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ homesick a. Why do I feel so betrayed everytime you don't write me an email? I knew this was coming, didn't I? Well, at least I'm not seriously in love with you or anything. A little school girl crush in the worst case. But it's weird, isn't it? I've been here for three weeks or what, and this is what they call my home, but I don't feel home. Every morning when I open my eyes I think I'm back in my other life. The one with you in it. You're probably very buisy, with wheat harvest and everything, but is it too much to just tell me that you got my letter? Do you still think about me? At all? I often think about you, and wonder if you even remember what I look like. Solly of me, isn't it? I also wonder when my mind is gonna get here, I miss it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ homesick b. I can't believe how long it's been, since I came home, and how distant my old "other" life seems to be. Everybody here thinks that I'm back to "normal" (what's normal anyway?), and sometimes even I think so, but then, in the next moment, the tears come back to me. The narrow streets and the high buildings seem to crash down on me, and the absence of that strong wind in the air seems to be choking me. I long for that wind, pulling on my hair, and driving tears into my eyes. I long for that distance the wide open space, that's so quiet and full of sound at the same time. Now there's not more left than a mere shadow, a memory of the feeling of freedom that that country gave me. I could have sat for hours just listening to the wind, sitting up on a gate by the carreles where the horses are. Watching the white clouds go by, and being perfectly happy living in that world that's 90% sky, where you can just run off unseen and be alone, be free. The more I think about it, the louder get the voices that call me back, and the clearer grow the images in my head. And maybe I'll be back someday, but I wonder, is the freedom still going to be there? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ homesick c. It's been a long time since I felt like this. I feel so alone, like there's nobody to talk to, nobody that understands me. I know that's not true. I know there are people, who would listen, but for the first time I'm scared of telling them how I feel. They would be hurt if they knew, that when I'm around them I feel like I have to play a part or wear a mask. I don't feel like smiling anymore. Everybody seems to be 1000 miles away. Why do I feel so seperate? Why does my life seem so empty? Why am I not happy? I long for love. I long for someone to hold me close, to protect me. I don't want to fight everyday, I'm not tough enough for that. I need somebody to lean on. I long for somebody who catches my tears with a smile, somebody to help me up, everytime I fall. I'm so tired. I long for somebody who will stroke my head when I cry. I long for somebody I can cry infront of. I long for you. What happened to me. Why do I think I'm weak when I cry? Wasn't it me who used to say that it shows strength to show emotions...then what made me waek enough to hide my sorrow? And why can't anybody see what's behind my mask? Why do I wear that mask again? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well this is it then. Pretty depressing, ain't it? Nya, hoffe hat euch gefallen. morddrohungen und heiratsanträge wie immer am mich ^-^ so long, stay sexy fishly Kapitel 9: My Drug ------------------ Hey there Everybody ^-^ Hier ist mal wieder ein bisschen was "Neues". Einige werden es vielleicht schon kennen, aber einige eben auch noch nicht. ^-^ Es sind wieder zwei kürzere Teilchen, die aber eng zusammen hängen. Feel free to comment. ^-^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Out of Reach You’re out of reach form me, and will always be, even if you’re standing right here next to me. And still you put me under your spell, not aware of you’re power over me. Eagerly I take in your every word. Your every movement burns itself deep into my memory. I try to catch your eye, want you to notice me. I look at you and you blow me away. My heart is racing, I want to be funny and intelligent and embarrass myself horribly. I’m so helpless under your gaze, become your puppet. The memory of you is enough to wipe out everything I am. And even though they are so obvious, I can’t admit them to myself. Maybe out of pride or fear. Out of rationality, I want to make myself believe. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Drug I get to wondering these days. What is it that I want? Whose dream am I chasing? I'm as confused as can be, can't seem to find the right way in the dark of the night, 'cause every single one leads me straight to you. I try to live a decent live, one that is expected of me, one with you barely involved. So I could answer the question who you are simply with "Someone I know." But sadly enough (although I'm not sad about this at all) that is not possible. When my perfect, decent live bores me to death, when disgust fills my mouth like spit, and everything is just a different shade of grey, you are like a fresh summer rain. You wash away the dust of ages, or so it seems. Your every word is like a fresh drop of crystal water that brings new life, lush green, to the ashes of my soul. The thought of your soft gaze upon me is comforting, it lights up the dark hours and soothes me. When I'm tired of battle, sick of struggle, and too weak to do another step, I want to turn to you for shelter, but I still try not to. You stir up the oceans of my heart, you're the storm raging in my head. Look into my eyes. See waves crashing, and lightning flashing. I want so much more than just your words. I want to be your passion, your every thought. And if my life was a book, I'd rip out all the pages about you, tear them in little pieces, and burn them, because I can't stand wanting you so much. It's driving me insane. I can't handle standing here in front of you, not allowed to touch you, when it would be so easy to just reach out, and run my fingers over your cheeks, through your hair. I wonder what it feels like. Can you see me shaking? I have to hold myself back hard. And I'm so tired of trying to read the signs. Hanging in mid-air, guessing "how far can I go?", never knowing what will be, eats me up inside. I swear if I could, I would just turn away, rinse you from my mind, but I can't. You are my drug. You're in my blood, control my thoughts. You take away all reasoning and logic. I'm addicted to you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So that's it for now. Bitte lasst mich wissen, wie es euch gefallen hat ^-^ Für verbesserungsvorschläge bin ich immer offen. ^-^ so long Fishly Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)