Collection of thoughts von PrinzessinMedusa ================================================================================ Kapitel 8: Homesick ------------------- Hey everybody, ich dachte mir, bevor hier alles völlig zustaubt, krame ich mal den rest raus, den ich noch nicht hochgeladen habe. diese sachen sind schon knapp ein jahr alt, aber was solls ^-^ das hier sind drei dings, die alle ziemlich das gleiche thema haben und da sie sehr kurz sind, hab ich sie zusammen getan ^-^ viel spaß beim lesen und danke für euer interesse. ^-^ so long fishly ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ homesick a. Why do I feel so betrayed everytime you don't write me an email? I knew this was coming, didn't I? Well, at least I'm not seriously in love with you or anything. A little school girl crush in the worst case. But it's weird, isn't it? I've been here for three weeks or what, and this is what they call my home, but I don't feel home. Every morning when I open my eyes I think I'm back in my other life. The one with you in it. You're probably very buisy, with wheat harvest and everything, but is it too much to just tell me that you got my letter? Do you still think about me? At all? I often think about you, and wonder if you even remember what I look like. Solly of me, isn't it? I also wonder when my mind is gonna get here, I miss it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ homesick b. I can't believe how long it's been, since I came home, and how distant my old "other" life seems to be. Everybody here thinks that I'm back to "normal" (what's normal anyway?), and sometimes even I think so, but then, in the next moment, the tears come back to me. The narrow streets and the high buildings seem to crash down on me, and the absence of that strong wind in the air seems to be choking me. I long for that wind, pulling on my hair, and driving tears into my eyes. I long for that distance the wide open space, that's so quiet and full of sound at the same time. Now there's not more left than a mere shadow, a memory of the feeling of freedom that that country gave me. I could have sat for hours just listening to the wind, sitting up on a gate by the carreles where the horses are. Watching the white clouds go by, and being perfectly happy living in that world that's 90% sky, where you can just run off unseen and be alone, be free. The more I think about it, the louder get the voices that call me back, and the clearer grow the images in my head. And maybe I'll be back someday, but I wonder, is the freedom still going to be there? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ homesick c. It's been a long time since I felt like this. I feel so alone, like there's nobody to talk to, nobody that understands me. I know that's not true. I know there are people, who would listen, but for the first time I'm scared of telling them how I feel. They would be hurt if they knew, that when I'm around them I feel like I have to play a part or wear a mask. I don't feel like smiling anymore. Everybody seems to be 1000 miles away. Why do I feel so seperate? Why does my life seem so empty? Why am I not happy? I long for love. I long for someone to hold me close, to protect me. I don't want to fight everyday, I'm not tough enough for that. I need somebody to lean on. I long for somebody who catches my tears with a smile, somebody to help me up, everytime I fall. I'm so tired. I long for somebody who will stroke my head when I cry. I long for somebody I can cry infront of. I long for you. What happened to me. Why do I think I'm weak when I cry? Wasn't it me who used to say that it shows strength to show emotions...then what made me waek enough to hide my sorrow? And why can't anybody see what's behind my mask? Why do I wear that mask again? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well this is it then. Pretty depressing, ain't it? Nya, hoffe hat euch gefallen. morddrohungen und heiratsanträge wie immer am mich ^-^ so long, stay sexy fishly Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)